


Let Our Breathing Remain

by themonkeycabal



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: F/M, Fury Is Not Always A Jerk, Gen, Monkeys, oh Fitz, season finale spoilers, working out my pain with fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-17
Updated: 2014-05-17
Packaged: 2018-01-25 12:15:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,615
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1648295
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/themonkeycabal/pseuds/themonkeycabal
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"What do I do if there's only half of me, Fitz?"</p><p>Spoilers for ep 1x23 "The Beginning of the End"</p>
            </blockquote>





	Let Our Breathing Remain

**Author's Note:**

> Two fics posted in one day? That will _**never**_ happen again. Ever.

***

In the steady hum, and beeps, and clicks of medical equipment, Jemma Simmons found little comfort. She knew what they all said, she knew what it all meant, and she couldn't bring herself to look. 

"Do you remember when we met?" She asked the still form beside her. It was such a banal question, but she had to say something, she had to drown out the sounds that told her he was alive only by the barest of threads. "Of course you do. Our first day at the academy. Oh, how terrified I was. Excited, too, of course, but really quite terrified. And surrounded by all those Americans." 

Smiling, she glanced over at his unmoving face and felt her smile harden and fall. She looked away again. "They put us together in one of those groups, the getting-to-know-you thing. Ice breaker, did they call it? Terrible, truly. And we were meant to ask everybody silly little questions, in the misguided belief that it would form some sort of bond between us all -- what color is your favorite? What flower? What chemical compound? Flavor of quark? Really dreadful. You'd think they could have been more creative. Though, I suppose they didn't think us starting out arguing over theory or some such was the best way to begin. Perhaps they were right, however -- after all, I did find my best friend just then. Oh, certainly, it took us a while to realize. A few rough patches. But then I never even knew I was looking for you, and suddenly there you were. Like you'd been there all along; the universe simply had to catch us up, didn't it?"

Reaching out she took his cool hand in hers and ran a finger along his knuckles. "Your question was far and away the best, of course -- if I could be any sort of monkey in the world, what sort would I be? How earnest you were, too. I will never understand your fascination with monkeys, but it's always been, well, so very you." 

Letting out a long sigh, she threaded her fingers through his and squeezed his hand gently. 

"It was always difficult being the clever ones when we were kids, wasn't it? Nobody around who ever really knew what we were talking about," she laughed a little. "And at university, barely more than children. I wish I'd known you then; we'd have managed it all exceedingly well together. You always understood what I was talking about, no matter the subject. Right from the first." She was silent for a moment, anchoring herself in the comfort of the skin of his palm against hers. 

"Who was it started calling us FitzSimmons? Was it Harewood? I think it must have been; he thought it was a great joke. He always was a bit of a bully. Of course, I never minded. I don't think you did, either. No," she corrected herself quietly, "I'm certain you didn't." 

Her lips started to tremble and her eyes began to burn. Taking a steadying breath, she held his hand tightly. "I like being FitzSimmons. It's who we are. It's ... it's the best part of me; the best part of both of us, I hope. I don't want to be just Simmons anymore. I don't feel like just Simmons. What can't we do together? What can't we accomplish? What do I do if there's only half of me, Fitz?"

A tear slipped past her lashes and down her cheek, and sniffling, she brushed it away with her free hand. "I suppose it's selfish of me to ask that. You ... you are always so very brave. My wonderful, brave Fitz. With the biggest, kindest heart in the whole world. So often kinder than my own."

Letting go of his hand, she turned to him at last. She couldn't hide from this. It wasn't fair to him, to what he'd sacrificed for her. Reaching out, she brushed her fingers across his face, and took in the livid abrasions and mottled purpling bruises, so stark against the paleness of his skin and the paleness of the sheets around him. 

"I've got to be the brave one now, haven't I?" Lacing her fingers together, she propped her elbows on the edge of his bed and her chin on the back of her hands. "I can hear you now, 'Ah, go on, Jemma, you can do it.' There's never anything I can't do in your mind, is there? It's humbling, you know, to have somebody who believes in you so absolutely. And I hope you know, I pray you know, that I have believed in you just as fiercely, just as entirely. As I believe in you now." Licking her dry lips, she stared at his too still, too quiet face. "I know the science, I know what's ..." She shook her head. "I'm going to choose to believe. I know what I know, but right now, I'm just going to believe, Fitz. 

"And I won't stop, you know? I won't. Fury has top doctors here for you. I had no idea a dead man could still have so much influence. Suppose I should have suspected, what with Coulson and all." She smiled a little at her own poor joke. "But, I won't give up, either, and I won't stop trying to find a way to help you. Never ever, Fitz."

She fell silent on that promise, let her eyes fix on the scrape across his temple, and let herself think of their journey to this moment. 

"Should I not have insisted we take the slot with Coulson?" She asked when she no longer stand the mechanically full silence. "I can't regret it, though, despite everything. I feel like, given what's happened, we've had a better chance here than we would have at SciOps. You and me, we'd have been captured by Hydra straight off, I think. Or killed, of course. 

"And I think of the good we did, the people we helped, and the things we learned, Fitz. How many things we learned. Wonderful things, and horrible things." She smiled -- it was tremulous and wounded, and she was overwhelmed by the sadness and fondness of everything they were and everything they'd done, but it was a real smile, nothing forced.

"And the most amazing thing of all ... for so long it was just you and me, wasn't it? Oh, I had my mum and dad, and you had your mum, but you've been the most important person in my life. And we had our own little world in SciOps and, honestly, we're quite brilliant, so that was good. But now, we stepped together into this _big_ world, and there're these wonderful people who care about us and us about them. Even with Grant ... even with ..." The words stuck in her throat and she squeezed her eyes shut, and sucked a breath in through her teeth. 

"I'm so extremely angry, Fitz. So very angry," she whispered before taking another breath to steady herself. "But ... but, even with that, we found a family, didn't we? I never expected, honestly. But, there's Coulson, and Skye, and May, and yes, even Triplett." She laughed at him and tapped his hand. "Whatever were you jealous of, you silly man? I doubt he likes monkeys near as much as you do, and I could never love a man who did not fully appreciate our little primate cousins."

With one last pat on his hand, she stood and leaned over him, brushing a kiss across his battered cheek. "I love you very, very dearly, Leo Fitz. So, you hold on, and we'll do like we always do -- we'll fix it. Have your kip for now, but there's still so much before us. Why, you've not even met Tony Stark yet. We simply must sort that, right?"

She trailed her fingers down his cheek to his jaw and kissed him once more. "Fury's sending me to meet the team, I'll tell them you're ... I'll tell them you're strong and stubborn and brave. They'll be worried, you know. And I'll be back, I'll always be here when you need me." After running her hand down his arm in farewell, she stepped back and took one last look at his still body, before turning and walking out of the room.

Fury was waiting in the corridor, leaning against the wall, watching for her. That was ... it was a little surprising, honestly. Surely the man had better things to do than wait for her.

"Sir," she said politely, not even bothering to try to hide that she'd been crying.

"I'll make sure he's well taken care of," Fury promised with a nod towards Fitz's room.

"Thank you, sir."

"We've got to look after our heroes."

Jemma closed her eyes and thought desperately of anything or everything that would keep her from turning into a ridiculous mess in front of Director Fury. After a moment, and a quick run through the periodic table, she was able to open her eyes, and raising her chin, met his gaze. "He _is_ a hero."

Fury smiled, and it was such a gentle, kind smile, it nearly broke her. "I won't forget it."

Not trusting herself to speak, she nodded tiredly. 

"Let's get you back to Coulson." Fury put an arm around her shoulders and steered her down the corridor. "You've got a hell of a lot of work ahead of you."

"Wonderful," she managed a watery little laugh.

"Hard work is good for the soul, Simmons."

"Yes, sir."

"You'll do, agent. You'll do just fine. Neither of you are alone." He pointed a stern finger at her. "You got that?"

"Yes, sir," she whispered. 

"Good."


End file.
